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Friday, March 28, 2014

Are You A Passive Person?

You've probably heard the term "passive-aggressive" several times throughout your life. Heck, you may even have been called that yourself. But there are people in the world who are merely passive. While people sometimes do call these people 'passive', more common words might be 'bitch', 'shy', 'weak', 'pussy', or 'quiet'. But what does it really mean to be 'passive'? Is it really all that big of a deal? Is there a way to change someone's level of passivity? We'll get to all those questions, but first, let's explore what passivity is and how it may have developed in an individual.






What Does "Passive" Mean?

Merriam-Webster officially defines 'passive' as an adjective "used to describe someone who allows things to happen or who accepts what other people do or decide without trying to change anything."

Passive people tend not to fight for what they want or what they think is right because they usually just let other people call the shots. They have a deep desire to 'keep the peace' and 'not rock the boat', so they often do whatever is asked of them, without question or resistance.

Passive people then to have multiple friends, family members and acquaintances who seem to always come to them when a "favor" is needed. That favor could come in the form of the passive person loaning money, offering a place to stay, giving rides to work or school, or even dating someone. Because the passive person doesn't want to incite conflict by telling anyone "no" or saying that they're uncomfortable, others come to rely on the passive person for the things that they want because they've grown confident that the passive person will never deny them.

If you think you may be a consistently passive person, you may notice that you have a lot of quiet resentments towards people who are the opposite of you behaviorally. The boss that barks orders, the boyfriend that dictates your life, the mother that won't butt out of your business. You may have relatively strong, unpleasant emotions towards these people, but (again, because you don't want to cause any 'trouble') you hold your feelings in and put their wants before your needs.

Other examples of passive behavior include:

Agreeing to go to lunch with co-workers, but not speaking up when they all want to go to the one restaurant in town that you can't stand.

Taking an unmarked package from a casual acquaintance just because they ask you to "hold onto it" for a few days. No questions asked.

Agreeing to go clothes shopping with your mother (who has a history of taking HOURS to find even a single outfit that she finds acceptable), even though you really want get your spring cleaning done.

Cleaning up piles of shit from your neighbor's dog and not addressing the issue with your neighbor.

Not volunteering to take on a project at work that involves a hobby of yours. For instance, if you love to write, you don't speak up when your manager asked if someone would be willing to put together some copy for a new ad for the company.



Where Does It Come From?

Passivity is often a habitual behavior that has formed throughout someone's life in order to help them survive. Someone who is noticeably passive may have grown up in an abusive household where talking back to parents, making decisions for themselves, and being noisy were grounds for further verbal or physical mistreatment.

Other times, a family was so filled with dysfunction and chaos that the only way to stay out of the line of fire was to do whatever was directly asked of them and keep quiet. This may have been how relative peace was kept in that household. Being passive starts to become equal to feeling safe and avoiding tension.

Though these may be two major manners in which someone can grow into being a passive person, everyone's story is unique.

Based on what you've read so far, are you passive? Do you know someone who is?

Read More About This Topic:

Fighting Shy
Indiana University | Lauren J. Bryant
http://www.indiana.edu/~rcapub/v25n2/carducci.shtml

Passive-Aggressive Behavior
NYU Langone Medical Center | Diane A. Safer, PhD
http://www.med.nyu.edu/content?ChunkIID=96685

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

5 Steps Away From Co-Dependency


Because of a level of popularity on the article's page, and my Facebook post about it, that I hadn't anticipated, I thought I'd let you know that I wrote an article for LivingHealthy360 entitled "5 Steps to Ending Co-Dependency in Your Life".

If you, or someone you know, seems to be in an enabling or co-dependent relationship, or even if you have no idea what co-dependency is and just want to learn more, I encourage you to take a look at the article. Thanks!

http://www.livinghealthy360.com/index.php/5-steps-to-ending-co-dependency-in-your-life-116507/

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Education in Prison: Quality of Life





Besides being a big money-saver (see earlier post: Education in Prison: Saving Money) another positive aspect of implementing education programs in prisons again, as proposed by Andrew Cuomo (click here to see the NPR report), is the quality of life that it brings to the families of the inmates.


It Shows That Education and Skill Building are Important

By helping to change the personal culture of these inmates by allowing them to receive a formal education and / or learn a trade, this underlines the importance of education and skill acquisition to the inmate's entire social circle. When they are released, they then have the ability to exercise their knowledge and skills to do positive things for their family and community, like starting their own businesses and helping support the local economy and their own families without resorting to criminal activities. When people around them see this positive change, it can garner a hope in them that they don't have to resort to violence or crime to make their way in life. As many times as that message is given verbally by someone who's been self-employed for the past ten years and just so happened to have gone to some high school or community center in the local area decades before, it has a much more meaningful impact when I actually watch somebody make the transition from being a criminal, then an inmate with few prospects in life, and on to someone who actually enhances the community around them.


It Can Give Parents the Tools to Set Healthy, Positive Examples for Their Children


When a father, for example, goes to prison for committing some form of theft, his children see this. Even if they are not sure of the exact nature of their father's absence, they realize that he was there and now he isn't. I have come across multiple daughters who have a hard time having long-term romantic relationships with men because of their father's intermittent absences due to incarceration. All throughout their relationship there's an undercurrent of paranoia that the man isn't going to be there one day, just like their father. Sometimes the women will even do little things to push the guy away like avoiding contact or picking fights when they do talk. Guys can go through the same things with women, or even with other men. They are distrustful and suspicious of their motives and loyalty, all because the only male role model they ever had was so unreliable.



So, imagine if we could increase the chances of today's children being able to see their fathers come out of prison and stay out. Being able to spend the rest of their lives free and in the presence of their child can allow time for the father to try to explain why they were absent for period of time. This honest communication about the incarceration can be therapeutic and lead to a healing of the relationship that can only be had with openness and time.

When this understanding of the situation and reunion with the inmate is accomplished, the children become much less likely to engage in criminal acts and perpetuate what may be a cycle in that family of people committing crimes and being sent off to prison. Any program that helps the inmate grow while they do their time and then allows them a fresh start with new, healthy (academic, trade, or social) skills when they leave can help shift the dynamic of how they view themselves, how their family sees them, and how invested they are in the community in which they live.

Read on!

Northeast Ohio Prisoners Trade Crime for Culinary Arts
Tim Zaun, Yahoo! Voices
http://voices.yahoo.com/northeast-ohio-prisoners-trade-crime-culinary-12067763.html?cat=22

Go to Prison, Get a Free Education? Not Cool, Cuomo
Kali Z., The 21st-Century 20-Something
http://kalizigrino.blogspot.com/2014/02/go-to-prison-get-free-education-not.html

UDC Prison Education
Utah Department of Corrections
http://corrections.utah.gov/index.php/programs/prison-education.html

College Behind Bars: How Educating Prisoners Pays Off
David Skorton and Glenn Altschuler, Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/sites/collegeprose/2013/12/02/the-gift-that-keeps-on-giving/




Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Education in Prison: Saving Money

www.jeantrounstine.com


Andrew Cuomo is pushing to bring college education back to prisons in New York. As much flack as he's been getting about the plan, statistically, it is in the best interest of the people of his state to offer inmates some form of concrete knowledge and useful, non-criminal skills in order for them to be able to reenter society as law-abiding, productive citizens. In the NPR article on the subject, it was stated that educating incarcerated people would cost too much. Feel free to check my math, but, according to the numbers, this is completely untrue. Yes, the project has a cost. However, that cost far outweighs the benefits and monetary savings that would be a result of having inmates receive an education while in prison.

Take the example of a child being sent to a corner for 'time out' after calling their classmate 'annoying'. While they're sitting in the corner, there isn't much happening to them that's going to change their behavior. Their annoyance with their classmate, rage at their teacher, and frustration with being put in the corner might subside after a few minutes, but they haven't gained any new knowledge or skills to help them deal with the situation differently in the future.

If, however, the child happens to have a thoughtful, healthy teacher, he may come over in the middle of the 'sentence' and let the child know that calling someone 'annoying' is inappropriate and that he won't tolerate it in his classroom. Letting the person know what exactly they did that was wrong and why it was wrong is a great first step.  In an ideal world, the teacher might go on to ask what the child was annoyed by, talk a little bit about the child's other emotions during the incident (just to let them get it off their chest and express some of those unpleasant emotions so that the child doesn't carry that around with them), and then give the kid some actual alternatives for dealing with the situation should a similar one arise. This might include asking the kid not to do whatever they did that was annoying or telling the teacher instead of reacting on their own.

It's a lot more helpful for people who are incarcerated to work towards gaining skills that will help them stay out of prison once they are released.



Housing Inmates Without Educating Them

Cost / Numbers

Service / Statistic

Source
$60,000
Correctional Facility Housing
$180,000
Cost to house inmate for average sentence length of 3 years
Pew States
 
25,000
Number of inmates released in New York every year
$4.5 billion
 
Cost of having housed those 25,000 inmates for the past 3 years
$180,000 x 25,000
50%
12,500 inmates
Number of 25,000 inmates released who recidivate within 3 years of release
25,000 / 2
$2.25 billion
Cost of housing 12,500 inmates for another 3-year sentence
$4.5 billion / 2
$6.75 billion
Cost to house original 25,000 inmates and re-house the 12,500 who recidivate for another 3 years.
$4.5 billion + $2.25 billion

 






Housing and Educating Inmates
Cost / Numbers
Service / Statistic
Source
$60,000
Correctional Facility Housing
$5,000
Cost to educate an inmate per year
$195,000
Cost to house and educate inmate for average sentence length of 3 years
Pew States
25,000
Number of inmates released in New York every year
$4,875,000,000
 
Cost of having housed those 25,000 inmates for the past 3 years
$195,000 x 25,000
35.5%
8,875 inmates
Number of the 25,000 inmates released who recidivate within 3 years of release if they’ve all received an education.
Prison Studies Project states that education during incarceration reduces recidivism by 29%. Reducing the current 50% recidivism rate by 29% leaves us with a 35.5% recidivism rate.
$1,597,500,000
Cost of housing 8,875 inmates who recidivate for another 3-year sentence without educating them again
8,875 inmates x $180,000
$6.475 billion
Cost to house original 25,000 inmates and re-house the 8,875 who recidivate for another 3 years.
$4,875,000,000
+
$1,597,500,000

 

$6,750,000,000 - $6,475,000,000 = $275,000,000

Taxpayers actually end up saving $275 million each year when they educate inmates instead of merely housing them. The number of savings only grows when we factor in not having to clean up the damage left behind after crimes are committed by 29% more people recidivating, and we add in the fact that most of the people being released are going to now have the education to go on to get jobs. Having a job means paying taxes from your income, doing legal work that you are paid for, and using your earned money to buy goods and services (on which you often pay taxes). All of these events help grow the economy, and all of these are greatly reduced if prisoners aren’t given an opportunity to earn a degree while incarcerated.

In general, getting a formal education can have some lasting, positive benefits for people who are allowed access to it. This is exactly why so many parents are willing to make various social and financial sacrifices to get their children to a university. However, is casting a group of people away from being allowed these benefits, especially when they seem to be in dire need of an intervention like being provided with a college-level education, really worth the state paying an extra $275 million every single year and the crime rate going up instead of down? This is the question that Cuomo has posed, and his answer is pretty clear.

I'd definitely say it's not worth it, based on the numbers alone.


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The Luckiest Attitude


 
You may have met people in your life who seem to have "all the luck". They may work at a company they respect, have a well-paying job that they enjoy, and live in their dream home with a spouse whom they are madly in love with.

While it certainly does seem like there are times when things appear to fall in place, and other times when things seem to just fall apart, keep in mind that our own attitudes and beliefs can have an affect on how those around us treat us. 

Take a case management position for example. Monique is fresh out of school, not an ounce of experience under her belt besides a stint of work study in the student counseling center at her university. Katie has worked with a private substance abuse treatment facility for the past 4 years, but she was laid off when her old agency was downsizing due to economic constraints and has now been unemployed for nearly six months. 

If Monique is positive and hopeful, she stands to be a real contender in a match for the position. Because of her bright outlook, she's likely to give off more signals and show more concrete body language during her interview that will actually increase the chances that she gets the job. Positive people tend to do things like use a brighter tone of voice, make more appropriate eye contact, have a more open and welcoming demeanor, appear to be more confident, hold their heads higher, have a more firm handshake, and smile more. All of these characteristics make someone more likely to get hired, or at least considered, for a position, regardless of their level of experience. It's kind of like seeing a sculpture in a plain block of marble because you know you have the basic materials you need to mold it into whatever you want--or whatever tool you need. The same can go for people. Everyone has the ability to be trained to fulfill a certain position, but if the person doing the hiring doesn't see the potential and positive attitude, they'll probably be less likely to invest the time and energy into doing so. 



If Katie, due to her lengthy unemployment status, comes to the interview, she may have the mentality of someone who has already been rejected. She is not likely to have a confident, friendly demeanor. She's more apt to speak in a lower tone of voice (which can sometimes convey uncertainty or passivity), have a limp handshake, not make eye contact very often / at all, and give short answers as though she wants the interview to be over with as quickly as possible. The hiring manager may wonder if she's hiding something, whether or not she really wants the job, or even if she's lied on her resume to get as far as she has. They may wonder if they can trust her to take lead on any projects because she's coming off as so passive and cold. 

Katie's attitude can influence the perpetuation of her circumstances. Because she seems so unsure, melancholy, and passive, she doesn't get hired. She feels more sad and dejected because she didn't get hired. She carries these feelings with her into the next interview, and the cycle goes on and on. 

Going into each situation you encounter in life with confidence and hope can lead to great benefits and many more positive interactions with others, even if doing so doesn't result in more concrete results like a job, romantic relationship, application acceptance, etc. Taking a deep breath and telling yourself that you have all the tools to be successful at whatever you're going to attempt can make the difference between feeling as though you have the best luck in the world, versus the worst luck. 
 
What kind of things do you do to keep yourself upbeat and positive?