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Friday, March 28, 2014

Are You A Passive Person?

You've probably heard the term "passive-aggressive" several times throughout your life. Heck, you may even have been called that yourself. But there are people in the world who are merely passive. While people sometimes do call these people 'passive', more common words might be 'bitch', 'shy', 'weak', 'pussy', or 'quiet'. But what does it really mean to be 'passive'? Is it really all that big of a deal? Is there a way to change someone's level of passivity? We'll get to all those questions, but first, let's explore what passivity is and how it may have developed in an individual.






What Does "Passive" Mean?

Merriam-Webster officially defines 'passive' as an adjective "used to describe someone who allows things to happen or who accepts what other people do or decide without trying to change anything."

Passive people tend not to fight for what they want or what they think is right because they usually just let other people call the shots. They have a deep desire to 'keep the peace' and 'not rock the boat', so they often do whatever is asked of them, without question or resistance.

Passive people then to have multiple friends, family members and acquaintances who seem to always come to them when a "favor" is needed. That favor could come in the form of the passive person loaning money, offering a place to stay, giving rides to work or school, or even dating someone. Because the passive person doesn't want to incite conflict by telling anyone "no" or saying that they're uncomfortable, others come to rely on the passive person for the things that they want because they've grown confident that the passive person will never deny them.

If you think you may be a consistently passive person, you may notice that you have a lot of quiet resentments towards people who are the opposite of you behaviorally. The boss that barks orders, the boyfriend that dictates your life, the mother that won't butt out of your business. You may have relatively strong, unpleasant emotions towards these people, but (again, because you don't want to cause any 'trouble') you hold your feelings in and put their wants before your needs.

Other examples of passive behavior include:

Agreeing to go to lunch with co-workers, but not speaking up when they all want to go to the one restaurant in town that you can't stand.

Taking an unmarked package from a casual acquaintance just because they ask you to "hold onto it" for a few days. No questions asked.

Agreeing to go clothes shopping with your mother (who has a history of taking HOURS to find even a single outfit that she finds acceptable), even though you really want get your spring cleaning done.

Cleaning up piles of shit from your neighbor's dog and not addressing the issue with your neighbor.

Not volunteering to take on a project at work that involves a hobby of yours. For instance, if you love to write, you don't speak up when your manager asked if someone would be willing to put together some copy for a new ad for the company.



Where Does It Come From?

Passivity is often a habitual behavior that has formed throughout someone's life in order to help them survive. Someone who is noticeably passive may have grown up in an abusive household where talking back to parents, making decisions for themselves, and being noisy were grounds for further verbal or physical mistreatment.

Other times, a family was so filled with dysfunction and chaos that the only way to stay out of the line of fire was to do whatever was directly asked of them and keep quiet. This may have been how relative peace was kept in that household. Being passive starts to become equal to feeling safe and avoiding tension.

Though these may be two major manners in which someone can grow into being a passive person, everyone's story is unique.

Based on what you've read so far, are you passive? Do you know someone who is?

Read More About This Topic:

Fighting Shy
Indiana University | Lauren J. Bryant
http://www.indiana.edu/~rcapub/v25n2/carducci.shtml

Passive-Aggressive Behavior
NYU Langone Medical Center | Diane A. Safer, PhD
http://www.med.nyu.edu/content?ChunkIID=96685

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